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June 19, 2009

Do you ever feel?

Do you ever feel like you have a spiritual nervous breakdown? I'm serious. Sometimes I feel like there is always just so much going on, even when there isn't, that I always just put God on the back burner and forget about him until Wednesdays or Sundays. I don't mean to do this I just do. I love God with all my heart and am so thankful that he chose to tug at my heart many many years ago when I was just a little girl. I am so blessed to have been raised in church and was taught about his daily love and forgiveness that's fresh and new everday. I forget this sometimes. And when I drop the ball, I beat myself up because I have failed. Then I have to remind myself that I AM human. That I do make mistakes, sometimes on purpose or not. But that God still loves me and he still forgives me if I ask. It's what I choose to do with those mistakes and failures that can cause me to walk forward or go backwards in God.

I sometimes wonder why he blessed me with these beautiful children, many days I don't feel deserving of their love or deserving to be their Mother. I get frustrated because I never have a moment to myself, there's always someone wanting something or someone is crying or being picked at by another sibling. I love these kids so much sometimes that it hurts. I constantly worry and am concerned for them. I try to protect them as much as I can but as we all know we can only do so much. I'm thankful that when it came time to bear a child that God didn't look down on me with his measuring stick to see if I measured up to what a good Mom should be. I'm still learning, I will always be learning.

Thank you God for a new day, to start over. To make my wrongs right. Thank you God for a new day to spend with my family and those I love very much. Thank you God for the freshness of life every morning when I wake up and the peace I have at night when I lay down. Thank you for my children and my wonderful church family who are there to lend a shoulder to cry on or just hold your hand and say nothing. I am so thankful.


Wife to the Rockstar said...

I can SO relate this post.

Joy said...

I think we all as mommies feel like this a least a few times if not all the time.